Hello

Last night I went out to dinner with a friend. She is relocating to Germany with her new husband. When I get home, I send a text to AJ at 9:51pm

Me: hello? 

Silence.

Today at 7:22am I send another text:

Me: hello? Why are you ignoring me? 

21 minutes later 

AJ: I don't think its a good idea if we communicate anymore until you get over that fuck boy who played you for 2 months. I've gone FAR above and beyond more than anyone would do in my place.  Ive just reached my limit.  I know you understand.  I'm sorry.

I know why he’s upset, I haven’t taken down my highlight of Lewis on Instagram. He’s been bugging me to do it. He said I never made one for him, ummm did he forget he’s married? I do contemplate about removing it, I don’t want to because it’s mine. I know I have pictures of him still, but those are my memories. I don’t think he had the right to tell me what to do. I call him, he doesn’t answer. I call three more times, straight to voicemail. He sends me another text; 

AJ: I have a really busy few days ahead and honestly, i really dont think there is anything more to discuss at this point.  

Me:did something happen? 

AJ: You let me know when you finally decide to move on from the biggest mistake of your life. FB&T❤ is a fucking joke and a constant reminder of where our friendship fits in your life.  Im off instagram so post whatever highschool shit you want.  I certainly dont want to end this on a bad note. Im just so tired of your lies and so ill just say that I truly wish you the best, bug.  

I tell him that I have removed it. He’s not satisfied, he said I had plenty of time to remove it. Just yesterday at lunch we had a conversation and everything was fine. I’m not entirely sure what happened in between. But he’s angry at me. I say ok and leave it alone.

I go visit a friend after work, I am feeling like everything that can go wrong is going wrong. I feel unloved. I feel unwanted. I feel rejected. I feel hopeless. I’m having a pity party pretty much. When I arrive, I tell her about what’s going on, I update her and she listens and makes comments if asked. She never judges, she just gives unbiased advice. She updates me on what’s been going on with her. 2021 has not been kind to her either. Now I feel like shit for my minuscule problem. I was so caught up and consumed with myself I forgot about everyone else. For a month I ignored everyone. For a month I fought hard to try. 

As I drive home, I call Shellie, I start to sob on the phone. I can’t get any words out, I’m not sure if I feel bad for my friend or because AJ is removing himself from my life and I know that’s the best thing for the both of us. She tells me that I need to let him go. I’ve known Shellie for 7 years, roughly. She’s my soulmate. She’s my Ying to my Yang. She’s a modest woman who doesn’t realize just how beautiful she is. She also wears her heart on her sleeve, always doing everything for other people and putting herself last. She’s usually right about things but no one ever takes her seriously. She’s sweet and kind and genuine. She’s a pure soul. She listens as I try to control my whimper. She tries to console me, she tells me that this is a good thing. AJ and I need our space. I know he wants me to fight for him like I fought for Lewis. He feels like somehow I’ve placed Lewis above him. Yes, I was with Lewis for a short period, but time doesn’t matter. It’s irrelevant when they make you...feel. I’m not comparing those two men, both relationships were opposite of each other. I cried constantly with AJ. I was jealous all the time. It was a very unhealthy connection. With Lewis, I didn’t feel threatened, well when I was sober I didn’t. I felt safe. I felt happy.